Our latest "Essay of the Month" is by a Year Four student.
The task - Write a newspaper account of the downfall of Humpty Dumpty.
Humpty's Hurt! Exclusive report
Is he an egg?
It looks very much like he is.
Last Monday at Priory Park in Reigate an individual sustained a big injury that you would not want to have.
It all started when Humpty Dumpty was sunbathing on a seven metre-high wall outside the King's palace. Suddenly he slipped and fell face first onto the hard concrete floor, shattering into millions of pieces.
Soon enough, Humpty was surrounded by people including the King's horses and men. I had a chat with James, who is one of the King's men.
He said, "It's so weird. One second he was on the wall and the next second he was on the floor!" Sadly, James also told me that they couldn't put Humpty back together right there.
Luckily the top doctors who were summoned to attend him were able to collect all the pieces of Humpty and put him back together in an operation which lasted ten hours and involved the help of several local children who are good at jigsaws.
Humpty Dumpty is now recovering in hospital and he is going to be back home tomorrow.
Philip says: "This is classic journalism at its best. The student has fulfilled the five commandments: What, Who, Why, Where and When. This report is concise, yet informative. She also made sure to interview a witness, James, and she quoted his exact words. The headline is eye-catching with its use of alliteration and it appeals to the better nature in all of us - we want to read the article to find out if Humpty will be okay. The first line of the report grabs our attention and makes us keen to find out more about this curious sunbathing egg. Well done!"
Our first "Essay of the Month" award goes to Finn, who is preparing for Whitgift's 13 Plus entry exam.
The Question - Write a narrative that begins with the sentence: 'He had never seen anything so wonderful and mysterious in all his life.'
He had never seen anything so wonderful and mysterious in all his life. He nearly started crying. Mesmerised, all he could see was wildlife. Vast trees created a home for the birds, who were thankful for them, whereas the monkeys treated them like a playground, breaking branches, swinging on vines and destroying nests. Creeping silently and discreetly, a tiger was about to pounce on a dopey monochrome zebra. Exotic flowers gazed in despair as the tiger leapt ten feet into the air and plummeted onto the hopeless zebra who didn't stand a chance.
All he could feel was the scented air which drifted past him. All he could hear were the scurrying footsteps of all the animals making way for him as if he were some sort of king or god. The taste of nature met his every delight.
After a while he reached a place that seemed good. He felt that this was the place for him. His dream place for a home, some might say, right by a lake sparkling a vivid blue, topped off by a gleaming waterfall. Dazed, he lay down and fell asleep, dreaming of this beautiful place which would one day be his home.
Philip says: "This is an excellent piece of work. The descriptive writing appeals to the reader's senses - visual, with plenty of description of the jungle full of trees and wildlife ("a lake sparkling a vivid blue"), aural ("the scurrying footsteps"), and even olfactory, the sense of smell ("the scented air"). There are plenty of descriptive adjectives ("Vast", "Exotic", "dopey", "monochrome"). Sentences are nicely varied, long ones for description, shorter ones to create narrative tension ("He nearly started crying" - the character is highly emotional and we read on to find out why, perfect for the opening of a story). Sentence beginnings are also varied, using adverbs, adjectives and "-ed" words (participles). I loved the personification of the flowers gazing "in despair". Brilliant.
Altogether an intriguing and engaging piece of work. Well done, Finn!"
The task - Write a newspaper account of the downfall of Humpty Dumpty.
Humpty's Hurt! Exclusive report
Is he an egg?
It looks very much like he is.
Last Monday at Priory Park in Reigate an individual sustained a big injury that you would not want to have.
It all started when Humpty Dumpty was sunbathing on a seven metre-high wall outside the King's palace. Suddenly he slipped and fell face first onto the hard concrete floor, shattering into millions of pieces.
Soon enough, Humpty was surrounded by people including the King's horses and men. I had a chat with James, who is one of the King's men.
He said, "It's so weird. One second he was on the wall and the next second he was on the floor!" Sadly, James also told me that they couldn't put Humpty back together right there.
Luckily the top doctors who were summoned to attend him were able to collect all the pieces of Humpty and put him back together in an operation which lasted ten hours and involved the help of several local children who are good at jigsaws.
Humpty Dumpty is now recovering in hospital and he is going to be back home tomorrow.
Philip says: "This is classic journalism at its best. The student has fulfilled the five commandments: What, Who, Why, Where and When. This report is concise, yet informative. She also made sure to interview a witness, James, and she quoted his exact words. The headline is eye-catching with its use of alliteration and it appeals to the better nature in all of us - we want to read the article to find out if Humpty will be okay. The first line of the report grabs our attention and makes us keen to find out more about this curious sunbathing egg. Well done!"
Our first "Essay of the Month" award goes to Finn, who is preparing for Whitgift's 13 Plus entry exam.
The Question - Write a narrative that begins with the sentence: 'He had never seen anything so wonderful and mysterious in all his life.'
He had never seen anything so wonderful and mysterious in all his life. He nearly started crying. Mesmerised, all he could see was wildlife. Vast trees created a home for the birds, who were thankful for them, whereas the monkeys treated them like a playground, breaking branches, swinging on vines and destroying nests. Creeping silently and discreetly, a tiger was about to pounce on a dopey monochrome zebra. Exotic flowers gazed in despair as the tiger leapt ten feet into the air and plummeted onto the hopeless zebra who didn't stand a chance.
All he could feel was the scented air which drifted past him. All he could hear were the scurrying footsteps of all the animals making way for him as if he were some sort of king or god. The taste of nature met his every delight.
After a while he reached a place that seemed good. He felt that this was the place for him. His dream place for a home, some might say, right by a lake sparkling a vivid blue, topped off by a gleaming waterfall. Dazed, he lay down and fell asleep, dreaming of this beautiful place which would one day be his home.
Philip says: "This is an excellent piece of work. The descriptive writing appeals to the reader's senses - visual, with plenty of description of the jungle full of trees and wildlife ("a lake sparkling a vivid blue"), aural ("the scurrying footsteps"), and even olfactory, the sense of smell ("the scented air"). There are plenty of descriptive adjectives ("Vast", "Exotic", "dopey", "monochrome"). Sentences are nicely varied, long ones for description, shorter ones to create narrative tension ("He nearly started crying" - the character is highly emotional and we read on to find out why, perfect for the opening of a story). Sentence beginnings are also varied, using adverbs, adjectives and "-ed" words (participles). I loved the personification of the flowers gazing "in despair". Brilliant.
Altogether an intriguing and engaging piece of work. Well done, Finn!"
